


In A Heartbeat

by papapapuffy



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: AU, Circus, Death, Dice circus members, Hospitalization, M/M, Maki makes balloon animals, Ouma is a circus boy, a bit of anguish, dice - Freeform, heart defect, little Ouma, little saihara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 17:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12846351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papapapuffy/pseuds/papapapuffy
Summary: A boy lays in a hospital bed looking out the window. When he sees a smaller boy smiling right back at him. AU





	In A Heartbeat

Disclaimer: not mine

Saihara Shuichi was born with a heart defect. He spent more time in a hospital bed then in his own bedroom. Sadly the child wasn't expected to live past the age of ten. He was on a waiting list for a donor but it wasn't likely to happen before his expiration date.

Saihara knew the names of all the doctors and nurses in this building. They visited his colorful room mostly to make sure he was still there. He was a very quiet and calm child. The other children ignored him when it came to socializing in the lobby area. Honestly, he was fine with it. At the ripe again of nine there really wasn't any point in having friends now.

Books were his friends. The home schooled boy excelled at most subjects reading at a level far above his age. He turned the page reaching a new chapter in his novel and a good stopping point. The black haired boy sighed and stared at the IV in his arm. The cord was always brushing up against the pages of his book. At least his last attack was minor. 

The wind blew into his room brining in the laughter of children. While he couldn't say he knew a slight fraction of the other kids here; he didn't recognize this small group outside. A little boy dressed in white ran around mindlessly. Two girls ran after him. Saihara flinched as the larger girl in the lead tackled the boy to the ground. She sat on his back and kept his face pressed to the dirt. Her voice was firm and threatening.

"Give it back." The anger and annoyance sent ice down his spine. "And apologize." Saihara wanted to cower under the blankets. Was he about to witness something horrible? It felt like it. The girl sure looked like she was about to murder him just like in his books.

"Supreme leaders never apologize to girls!" She shifted her weight slightly and he flailed his limbs smacking his palms against the ground. His resistance didn't last long. With a grunt the boy submitted. "Ok, just this once..." One hand slipped under his body trying to fish something out from one of his pocket. A second later he pulled out a large green bow.

She took it from him and handed it to the other little girl who station it firmly in her dark locks. The tense scene completely vanished once the bow was back on her head. The violent one let go of his head and stood up. The boy exhaled with relief but didn't seem upset to be tackled to the ground and force to give up what he stole.

It was an accident but their eyes met. Saihara observed as the boy flashed him a large friendly smile. "It's time to go." With annoyance in her voice the violent brunette grabbed the boy by his ankles and dragged him away. The whole time he didn't lose his smile as he waved to Saihara in the hospital bed.

Apparently he wasn't the only one a little confused with the strange boy's attitude. "Degenerate boy!" The bow wearing girl shouted looking disgusted. 

"Nishishi, you don't even know what the word means." He taunted, his laughter never stopping. 

"Menace!" The boy who was still being dragged only had amusement written on his face as insults were thrown at him.

Saihara continued to watch till the group was out of sight. He settled back down on the bed running his finger tips over his book. Well, that was the most interesting highlight of his day. He cracked the book opened once more.

\---

"Hello." The nursed greeted wearing a friendly smile. "Are you hungry?" She held onto a small tray of food. Lunch looked like a small sandwich, pudding cup and a juice box.

"Yes, thank you, Mikan." The timid boy sat up allowing the tray to be placed on his lap. Before leaving the cheerful nurse rubbed his head affectionately.

"Enjoy."

With the first bite he concluded it was turkey and cheese. Quietly he ate careful not to make a mess. Routinely he put the empty tray on the nightstand and reached over for his book. His eye caught shot of a figure outside. With a light bam the boy from earlier placed his hands and face to the window. The fog on the window from his breath distorted his appearance.

Saihara let out a high pitched scream and grabbed at his hospital gown in fear. The boy laughed but was quick to apologize. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Using his sleeve the smaller boy wiped the fog away so Saihara could view him better. The patient wanted to glare at the strange boy but how could he with such a lighthearted expression? Up close Saihara realized that one upper tooth was missing from that huge brilliant smile.

The boy tongued at the hole when he notice what Saihara was looking at. "I got a dollar for that tooth!" When he didn't reply the boy bent down and came back up holding three rubber balls.

The balls were tossed into the air and successfully kept up in the air. Saihara arched an eyebrow. Why was this boy he didn't know juggling outside his hospital room? He juggled consecutively for a few minutes catching all three balls in his hands when he was done. After his performance he bowed professionally.

With a confused expression the bashful boy still clapped politely at the end. The boy studied his face; staring at him with unblinking eyes. It felt rather uncomfortable but he didn't tell the boy to stop. "My name is Ouma Kokichi. What's yours?"

"Saihara Shuichi."

"Well Saihara, how do you like this?" Ouma disappeared below the window. His feet came into view and started moving around. Saihara clapped once more. Not many people could walk on their hands. Ouma stood up correctly brushing the dirt from his hands.

He inspected the happy boy acutely. Messy dark strands spayed from his head. His strange white cloths had dirt and grass stains faded into the fabric. A checkered neckerchief was wrapped around his neck. It was an interesting fashion statement.

"What are you in for?"

"I have a bad heart."

Ouma cocked his head as if trying to figure out what that meant. "Hey, hey, you have really pretty eyes."

The sickly boy arched an eyebrow. "Thanks, but complements won't help me." The black haired boy acknowledged that he has some rather feminine features. He was often confused for the opposite gender by kids and adults alike. It was his olive green eyes and long eyelashes that got the most notice. Briefly he wondered if puberty would be able to help this small problem but shook that thought immediately out of his head.

Their moments of silence was interrupted by the return of the nurse. She returned to collect the lunch tray. "Hello Mikan." The nursed jumped in shock at the sudden voice.

"Oh, hello Ouma. How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you."

"And the others?"

"They're good."

"When do you guys plan on doing another show here?"

"Tomorrow, look forward to it!"

"Of course, we always do." The cheerful boy waved and ran off.

"Who is he?" Once the playful child was out of sight his gaze turned onto the doctor's assistant. Briefly she wondered how much she could reveal because of patient confidentiality. Ouma's life wasn't a secret to the people around the hospital. There was no harm in telling a child anything, right?

"Ouma use to be a patient here. He suffered none-life threatening injuries from a car crash. However, that crash took the lives of his parents."

"That's horrible. How is he able to smile like that?" The black haired boy wore a frown couldn't imagine losing his parents. Being stuck here didn't allow him to see his guardians as much as he would like too. He wanted to tear up each time they said their goodbyes when visiting time was over. But he knew deep down they worked hard to support his health bills. He wouldn't cry or be selfish. He knew they loved him and wished to be with him more. 

"The crash happened in front of the circus."

"I don't think the circus has any liability."

Mikan blinked. She forgot how mature this child was. "No, they didn't but that didn't stop the ringmaster from adopting him when no relatives stepped forward."

"He seems alright, I guess that's a happy ending then." Saihara smiled to himself at least he didn't mourn the loss. "Good for you..." The child muttered to himself uncaring if the nurse heard him.

"Will you come and see their show tomorrow?"

"Sure." The caretaker perked up it wasn't often that the fragile child ever wanted to leave his room. She closed her eyes and sent Ouma a thankful prayer.

\---

Saihara sat in a wheel chair with a light blanket over his lap. There was a small group of children sitting around and chatting loudly waiting for the show to start. From wheelchairs to crutches and just some bandaged up kids were outside enjoying the atmosphere. Father back was a couple of adults talking to themselves and looking over at the kids every so often.

Mikan wheeled him a distance away from the others were it was more peaceful. The chips of birds could be heard from a nearby tree. "Call for me if you need me, I'll be with the other attendants." The green eyed boy hummed in acknowledgement enjoying the light breeze the played with his hair.

The kids of the circus came. If the matching outfits didn't give them away the clown masks did. Ouma walked in the middle of the group wearing a cloak and leather peaked hat. The small boy was the only one who didn't wear a mask. He strutted around with his head hold up high and a cocky grin on his face. All the bags and props were dropped to the side as the group lined up.

"My name Ouma and I'm the Supreme Leader of Dice! I hope you will enjoy our performance." His eyes met with Saihara's gaze so he winked. The smaller boy wanted his sickly friend to enjoy it more than that others. 

Each member broke out in their own performance. Despite that, the show wasn't disorganized and still looked good. The leader sat on a unicycle facing a heavy set boy balancing on a huge blue exercise ball. His mask was the only realistic looking one of the group. Blue eyes with each eye crossed by a red stripe and yellow upper eyelids. They juggled bowling pins together tossing the pins to the other till finally Ouma juggled all six. While riding in a circle around the walking boy on the ball.

Two girls showed off their flexible acrobatic skills. Like an extreme game of leap frog they practically flew over each. The smallest female with long partially braided brown hair stood on one foot. Her mask had small features giving a low spirited expression. The older girl balanced on her head with a bubbled face. Her mask resembled that of a masquerade mask.

The whole show lasted about a half an hour. After the performance Dice finished by making balloon animals for all the children. The leader ran up to his friend with his hands behind his back. "For you, I hope you like it." With tinted cheeks he pulled out the balloon animal from behind him. It was a dolphin. The work of art was made with only two balloons. The top of it was a blue while the bottom was white. The eyes was a simple black circle colored by a marker.

"Thank you, I love it." He smiled and held the balloon with care.

"Nishishi, I didn't want to give you the standard dog so I asked Maki to help me..." Ouma trailed off a little, not use to admitting any shortcoming he may have.

Saihara smiled and Ouma studied him. The smaller boy looked thoughtful as he read into that smile. It wasn't fake but it didn't seem real either. Sad maybe...? Ouma frowned he didn't like that smile on the other's face.

"Maki?" The boy in white looked off to the side where a group of kids crowed another. The taller boy followed his gaze. As if hearing her name Maki paused from her work and looked up her eyes making contact with his. Saihara tensed up recognizing that face immediately. That was the same girl that tackled Ouma to the ground and sat on him. Maki blinked and looked back down at her balloon art. Apparently she wasn't feeling a need to be hostel at the moment.

"Done." The twin tail girl held up her new creation. Maki was the best at elaborate designs. It really was a work of art. She had just made a flower bouquet out of balloons. Inside that bouquet were a few recognizable flowers like roses and daisies. But also a few he didn't know. With a warm smile Maki handed the bouquet over to a girl with bandages wrapped around her head.

Ouma sat beside the black haired child as the watch in peaceful silence as balloons were passed out. Turtle, sheep, duck, octopus, rabbit and even a humming bird to name a few. They were truly talented. Whatever each kid wanted they got.

"Hey, Saihara. Can I come visit tomorrow?"

"Sure, if you want to."

"Of course I want too. You're my friend after all!" The clown jumped up from the ground and brushed loose dirt off his pants. He ran towards Maki, pulled on her hair, and took off before she could grab him.

\---

Saihara found it hard to focus on his book. The fun outing he had today was fresh in his mind and unwilling to leave. It was the most excitement he has had in months. His dark emeralds eyes shifted towards the dolphin on his night stand. Why did Ouma even like to talk to him to begin with?

The boy was brought out of his thoughts when he heard high heels coming from down the hall. Nurses and doctors don't wear shoes like that. He held his breath as the sound got louder. The woman entered his room. "Mom!" The adult smiled when his raised his arms towards her. She dropped her bag and climb on to the small bed.

The boy sighed and nuzzled into his mother's arms. She laid on her side holding her son while her feet hung off the bed. "How was your day, mom?"

"Tiring." She ran her fingers through his hair affectionately. "And yours?" Her matching green eyes landed on the balloon on his nightstand.

"Good. I met a boy and he wants to be my friend."

"That's wonderful!" She hated how antisocial her son was. But really that wasn't his choice. She kissed his forehead and gazed into his face. Saihara looked a lot like his mother. "How often will you be seeing him?"

"I don't know, it seems like he visits the hospital often."

"He's not a patient here?"

"Nope."

"Well, when you get out of here, you'll visit him."

"Get out of here?" The boy frowned and averted his eyes. He wasn't going to get out of here. "I'm not going to get better."

"The list is getting smaller..."

"How many are still ahead of me?"

The black haired woman sighed she wasn't going to lie to her son. "253 kids are ahead of you." He bit into his bottom lip the possibility of getting all those kids donors in a year was pretty slim. Even though all the kids had different blood types and other factors involved. It just wasn't possible for him to have a positive outlook. With tightly closed eyes he clenched onto his mother's shirt. She rubbed soothing circles around his back till he fall asleep.

\---

Saihara sat up in bed. Ouma sat on his bed as well kicking his feet off the side. "Why do you talk to me?"

"'Cause you're my friend." He responded nonchalantly. Wasn't that an obvious answer?

"But nothing good comes from being friends with me."

The leader raised one eyebrow. "I don't need anything from you."

Maybe it was best to be blunt right now. "I'm not going to live long. There is no point in getting to know me; there is no point attaching yourself to me. You'll be hurt in the end..." Ouma frowned his gaze was firm and un-amused with this conversation. 

"You need to smile more. Don't you have any dreams for the future?" Saihara looked down this was a sensitive topic. His fingers tangled into the sheets. He avoided thinking about the future for logical reasons. The taller child barely thought a day in advance. Not when so much was uncertain. One day he could feel fine and the next he could land himself in the hospital's ICU. 

He feared the day of his death; he didn't want to leave his family mourning him. He didn't want Ouma -who already had the feeling of loss- to experience it again. Why couldn't he just take the warning?

He could tell Dice's leader was upset with him. But that only put him more on edge. The green eyed boy was starting to take offence. "How are you so cheerful? Mikan told me a little about you."

The timid boy saw the hurt flash in his eyes. It was as if he put a mask on his face since the change happened so quickly he almost second guessed it. "A reset button on your feelings..." 

The room became silent both boys refusing to even look at the other. Saihara felt awful he didn't mean to hurt anyone. He expected Ouma to flee. To declare that his friendship wasn't worth the trouble. The smaller boy instead crawled on the bed and laid down curling around his body. The clown wrapped his arms around the sick boy's middle hiding his face in his back. "Sorry..."

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one that should apologize." He could have been more sensitive when it came to getting his point across.  
The smaller child nodded into his back. The black haired boy took comfort in the fact Ouma wasn't letting him go. Both literally and fugitively.

Before long he realized that his friend had fallen asleep. Though uncomfortably stuck in this sitting position he smiled warmly and opened his book.

\---

Ouma awoke in pain. He eyes were hazy and unfocused and his body was stiff. The ceiling above his head was white the walls were bright and colorful. He could only see from one eye; he felt around the bandage on his head. His forearm was wrapped in more gauze and his chest hurt. A nurse sat to his side. "We're are my parents?"

"I'm sorry, your parents..." The dark haired woman didn't need to finish the sentence. The look was more than enough. Ouma's heart fell to the pit of his stomach. His eyes burned with tears. His free arm gripped the blanket and his tears rolled down his pale cheeks. Mikan didn't even bother to give cheap comforting words and lies. She only watched the boy with a sympathetic look.

Despite the pain in his ribs the boy rolled over to face the wall and curl in the fetal position. "Please leave me." The boy didn't wait for a reply he covered his head with the blanket. The nurse nodded even though he wasn't looking and left.

A few days past and Ouma didn't leave his room. He didn't attempt to socialize even when the nurse entered. The one eye that was uncovered lacked all emotion and life from his dark iris. His bandages were changed and lunch was left. With his parent's untimely death and no relatives the only person that visited him was a social worker.

Once he was healed he would forcefully be released to her to be put into an orphanage. The thought made his frown. The young boy forced himself to eat a small portion of his lunch. Each time he ate, the urge to vomit always followed. He never did but he knew the reason was his unstable emotions.

Mikan walked into the room her eyes flying to the food. "You ate more then you usually do, I'm glad." The girl smiled but Ouma didn't react to her. "You know the circus is stopping by today..." His eye widened the only emotion she could pick up on was fear. "Won't you watch the show with the other kids?" Mikan frowned his silence spoke sentences. She sighed and picked up the tray, leaving the boy to his thoughts.

From his room he could hear the activates. Laughing kids and the circus acts. He remembered laughing and enjoying all the acts. Sitting between his parents as the ringmaster preformed. The laughter slowly died down as the show outside seemed to be coming to a close. A bitter smile found its way to his face.

It wasn't till the end of the act that his smile had died. He walked in the middle of his parents, holding onto both of their hands. His eyes closed as he walked tired from the activities. His mother chuckled and told him to keep his eyes opened till they reach the car. He opened his eyes and let out a yawn.

The messy haired boy climbed into the back of the car and strapped in. He lolled his head to the side and closed his eye again. His check rested comfortable against the seat belt. The vehicle started with a light vibration that only re-enforced his relaxed state. He felt the car moved and pull out of the parking lot.

Ouma didn't really know what happened next. He didn't know when it happened either. A loud noise woke up him and pain filled all his sense. He felt upside down his arms didn't feel like they were by his side but instead up near his head. With a grunt he opened his eyes. No- he could only open one of them. His hand touched his throbbing head and pulled away feeling sticky liquid. He rubbed his opened eye with the back of his hand trying to focus on his surroundings.

"Mom? Dad?" His guardians didn't respond and a whimper of fear accidently escaped his throat. Their heads seem relaxed to the side a little too much. Inhaling deeply sent a sharp pain from his ribs up to his head making it room much to bare.

A knock on his open door awoke him from his daydream nightmare. Mikan wore a sad smile and moved out of the way as a familiar male walked in. Ouma shot up, the sudden movement sent pain down his side. "Don't move like that." The ringmaster sat by his side wearing a smile. "Since you didn't come to the show outside, I decided to come to you."

The ringmaster held out a closed palm. When he rotated his wrist and opened his hand to reveal a full stemmed rose. "I'm sorry for your loss." The man said in a serious voice as the child took the flower and held it in both hands. Emotions flashed through the young boy's face. "I remember you, you know." The adult sat back into the chair he didn't mind the silence from Ouma it didn't discourage him from talking.

Ouma took in the flashy appearance of the circus leader. He was dolled up in typical clown makeup with one blue star painted around his eye and a red tear on the other cheek. His ringleader getup was a black and white checkered shirt. His red jacket was also a mantle with a fluffy lining. His pants were black with one simple white line going down the sides.

The joker smiled he could remember the excited smile Ouma wore at his show. "Your smile really stood out to me." From his sleeve he pulled out three smile balls and started to juggle. The dark haired boy bit into his bottom lip and couldn't help but feel amaze. "I don't suppose I could see that smile again?" The clown sounded hopeful but when he made eye contact Ouma quickly averted his gaze to the real rose on his lap.

"Not yet? That's alright, I understand." He put his balls back into his sleeve and pulled a red clown nose. "I won't give up, I want to see you smile again." He carefully placed the fake nose on the boy and gave it a squeak. "I'll see you tomorrow." The ringleader left with his mantle flying behind him.

"Tomorrow?"

\---

Ouma was healing well. He had the stitches on his forehead removed. To prevent scarring Mikan would spread antibiotics ointment around the area. The swelling in his forearm went down and was no longer sensitive to movement. His ribs were still bruised and tender with sudden movements though. 

Mikan washed the extra ointment off her hand. "Good morning, Ouma." Their heads turned to the door were the ringleader announced his present.

"Ringmaster!" The joker smiled at the boy's excitement to his entrance. In the weeks of his hospitalization the clown and the boy became inseparable. Ouma now smiled at him. It was worth it too. He reached over to rub the top of the child's head affectionately. The little boy giggled. The adult pulled out a whale balloon as a gift. "Thank you."

"That's really cute." The nurse said. Mikan has watched over him since his arrival at the hospital. It was a relief to see him smile.  
A knocked on the door frame caught all their attentions. Ouma tensed up his light expression gone immediately. The ringmaster noticed this and watched as the social worker approached the bed. "Are you ready to be released from the hospital?" He didn't respond wanting nothing more than to stay.

"What's going to happen once you take him?" The joker asked. All the progress he made was gone in an instance. The boy withdrew and refused to look at any of them. The lady in the suit made him shake in his spot.

The business woman looked the clown over clear judgment was written on her face. "A foster family will take care of him."

"Will he really be cared for there?" Just because foster care takes place in a family setting does not mean it's better care then an orphanage institution.

"Yes, all of the forester go through extensive background checks."

"I want to adopt him." The ringleader stated his eyes staring into the lady's. Ouma's mouth dropped and his eyes shot to his as if looking for lies. He couldn't find any; tears gathered in his tear ducts but they didn't fall.

"I wanna go with him! Can I please?" The child's bottom lip quivered in both persuasion and desperation.

"I can start the paperwork but you will still have to come with me." The kid's head dropped to his chest in unease.

"If I can get you my background check files today. Will you please allow him into my custody once he's officially released?" The clown pouted his eyes glossy for added effect.

The lady paused. "...Drug test too."

"I'll take it right away."

"Get the papers and I'll take to my superiors."

\---

Ouma woke up feeling well rested and happily warm. His head rested on Saihara's moving chest. The heartbeat sounded so strong and healthy it was hard to believe it wasn't. He adjusted his head to look up at his sleeping face. The leader studied his face taking in the soft features. His long eye lashes brushed his round pale cheeks. His lips were full and parted allowing more air into his lungs.

"I want to see Saihara smile. I bet it's beautiful." The Dice member nuzzled into the neck of the still sleeping boy. "Show it to me soon." The arms wrapped loosely around his back tighten in his sleep. He smile and closed his eyes once more. His mind drifted to happy thoughts.  
Thoughts of the sickly boy leaving the hospital. Playing outside with him and the rest of Dice. Enjoying life to the fullest. And best of all taking the taller boy to a real performance at a circus.

The smaller child felt a hand on his shoulder snapping him out of his peaceful thoughts. One eye opened to see Mikan's apologetic smile. "Sorry Ouma, but it's getting late." With a frown he slipped out of Saihara's embrace and pulled away. The movement jostle him awake. Green eyes fluttered opened with a small groan. He sat up and rubbed the rheum from his olive eyes.

"That time already?" Saihara said sadly looking out the window. The sun was in the west- not sun set yet but late evening. Visiting time was over for him anyway. They wouldn't let Ouma walk home alone in the dark. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course!" Ouma beamed giving a thumb up. The circus member watched the black haired boy smiled. It was real- it was cheerful. It sent warm feelings through Ouma's heart. He could hear the muscle thumping against his chest cavity. He also felt happier than normal. Why was Saihara's smile the only one that made him feel that way? "You need to smile like that more." Saihara blink and the prankster realized he said out loud.

"Nishishi! Later!" He took off. Why did his cheeks suddenly feel hot? 

The leader paused once outside, enjoying the light breeze hit his skin. The boy started his walk home. His thoughts drifted to the taller boy again and what would happen if he couldn't get a donor before the end of the year. He frowned and quickly shook that from his head. No, he wouldn't allow himself to think that way. He must always smile, that's what the ringmaster taught him. He picked up speed running towards the familiar and warm circus tents.

Maki was waiting just outside the edge of the circus. She glared at him with annoyance. "I was just about to come get you." The younger child hummed in acknowledgement he headed straight to his guardian. The boy entered the ringmaster's tent.

Ouma extended his arms into the air, standing erect. The older man smiled, stood up from his chair and extended his arms to the side. The supreme leader first did a cartwheel and followed it up with a front flip before flinging himself into his foster father's chest. The joker laughed and took one step back to study himself. "I'm home!"

The boy was placed back on his feet. "Welcome home. How was your day? Is your friend feeling better?"

"Saihara's really upset. I wish there was something I could do for him."

"You really have a big heart." He rubbed the child's head warmly. "You're always concerned about the people around you. I'm sure your visits mean the world to him, especially in a time like this."

"I don't want Saihara to be alone. I want to see him smile. I want-" They were interrupted by the tent clothe opening.

Maki peek in without entering. "Cho says dinner is ready." Ouma didn't need to be told twice. He forgot every thought in his mind as he ran past Maki with childish excitement. The long haired girl huffed and followed after the younger child. The joker smiled, he never once regretted adopting either child. They were polar opposites in every way -especially personality wise- but they complemented each other well.

Most of the time dinner was made and eaten outside. The large group ate together at four conjoined picnic tables watching the sunset. A 100 quart aluminum pot sat above the bonfire. It was enough to feed twelve growing children and twenty adults. The aroma was familiar -probably beef stew- and it was being ladled out into bowls.

The leader took his bowl and sat in the middle. Roughly there was an adult sitting between every three kids. One side of Ouma was Maki on the other side sat a Dice member. Ann had removed her masquerade mask to eat. Her blue eyes shine brightly as she spoon stew into her mouth.

Dinner was never complete without light banter. Ouma loved to talk. Everyone knew about his daily activates even if they didn't want too. Tenko was one of those kids that didn't care. Purposely trying to annoy the boy only to have it backfire with a single grin.

No one questioned why Saihara meant the world to him. After all this time Ouma never strongly bonded with anyone outside the circus. Most of the Dice members were circus born with an exception of the few older members. The children at the hospital, once they were discharged, they were never seen again. The leader was careful not to get close to them. Saihara was something special.

Dinner was finished and each person was responsible for cleaning their own bowl and utensils. It was getting late and it was time for a few of them to go home. Tenko wasn't allowed to walk home be herself. The two oldest Dice members escorted her home. The rest got ready for bed.

In a separate tent rows of hammocks and sleeping bags were set up. Boys on one side girls on the other. The prankster climb into his and opened his bag using it as a blanket. The rest of the kids settled into there's. Late night discussions were usually what each child was trying to improve in their acts. The ringmaster was teaching him ventriloquism and he couldn't wait to use it in a show.

While it was something he looked forward to ventriloquism wasn't he first choice. Even with supervision some acts were forbidden from trying. Acts like fire dancing, fire breathing and most animal training were banned till he was much older. Ouma still never stopped begging. Acts like lion taming or snake charming interested him. It's a shame really, he always found Maki more ferocious and life threatening then the animals.

"You have a crush, don't you?" Ouma's eyes shot towards the older girl across from him who stared back unblinking. He started back with a blank face. He noted the way she said it was more like a statement then a question. Silence passed between them till Maki finally  
blinked. "Did you not realize that or something?"

Though he wasn't sure why his cheeks started to get hot again. The leader raised his hands to his face using his fingertips to check the heat in his cheeks. For some reason he wanted to withdraw; to hide under his blanket. The young teenage girl took mercy on him and stopped gazing at him to lay down properly. The boy looked at the others who were all done talking and resting properly. With a frown he curled up covering his whole body with his makeshift blanket. What was he to make with this information?

"Saihara..."

\---

Ouma really studied his friend. They were both lying comfortable on the cot. Saihara laid on his back so he could read and Ouma on his side just observing. The quiet tranquility was nice and all but the Dice leader wanted to brake it. After all Saihara could read anytime he wanted. However, the calm smile the black haired boy wore stopped him from speaking up. The joy was clearly written on his face as his olive eyes scanned the pages of the thick book.

The smaller boy tugged softly at his sleeve. "Hey, if you going to read while I'm here at least read to me."

"Wha-?" Saihara was brought out of his story apparently even forgetting his wasn't alone in the room. "I don't think you would like this type of book..." Saihara trailed off. He didn't think Ouma was the type to read period much less his more adult themed novels.

"Well no, probably not, but you're my friend I'm interested in watching you interact with something you clearly love."

The book loving child couldn't fight so he started to read out loud. And then when he heard light snores beside him five minutes later he found it cute instead of irritating. The thought counted more right?

\---

Ouma stood tall his body stance was confident and stern. He wore a farcical expression far too serious for a child's face. The ringmaster only frowned. Ouma was far too stubborn to be dissuade. "Please." Too many emotions ran through his eyes making the adult wince. A child shouldn't be this serious.

\---

Ouma had received permission from the doctor to take Saihara outside. They shouldn't go far and the taller boy was expected to stay in a wheel chair but it didn't matter. The prankster took him around the building just for the sake of sunlight and fresh air. 

Generally the timid boy would complain about being force to go outside. He absolutely hated direct sunlight. It was too bright, too hot and burned his pale skin. Nonetheless, when his friend asked him he wanted to go for a walk, he agreed without hesitation.

He voiced no complaint but kept his head down flinching at the sun whenever the shady path disappeared. His black hat only blocked so much of the strong rays. Sadly there really wasn't much to view on the stroll. "When you get better let's go hiking to see the mountains and the ocean together! Won't that be fun?"

"Alright." Saihara didn't hesitate to answer. He refused to let negative thoughts get to him. He would agree with whatever the circus boy wanted.

\---

Saihara suffered an attack. They weren't doing anything other than talking on the bed. The fear that gripped at the leader's heart was worse than anything he ever felt before. It probably shortened his own life. The older boy stopped in mid sentence grabbing at his chest. His face got red far too quickly and sweat perspired on his forehead. The younger boy still respond quickly and logically through his fear hitting the emergency red button near the cot.

A minute later a doctor and a nurse ran into the room and ushered him out of it. There was nothing for the circus boy to do. A feeling of helplessness washed over him as he paced outside the door. His own heart hurt as it picked up too much speed; beating rapidly in fear and concern. He put pressure on his chest trying to get it to calm down. Looking into the small rectangle door didn't give him an update on his friend's health. Not when all he could see was the doctor's back or the nurse walking around the cot.

Ten minutes after being pushed out the door another person came running down the hall. The woman was dressed in a nice suit that really wasn't suited for a hospital employee. Her long black hair flowed behind her and her deep green eyes were beautiful. It didn't take a genius to figure out that this was Saihara's mother. Especially not when she ran passed him and into the room he wasn't allowed to enter yet.

He leaned on the wall feeling the sole of his feet burn from the consistence pacing. A few more minutes pasted and the door finally opened and the doctor and assistant walked out. Neither one of them looked to happy making the boy frown. The fact that they walked right pasted him without speaking wasn't a good sign either.

He stood on his tippy toes and peeked into the room. He could see Saihara's mother hunched over her son's bed. Ouma could pick up the subtleties in her body language as her shoulders shook. She held on to his limp hand pressing it against the side of her face. He couldn't see his friend at all since a diving curtain block the way but he could imagine it. Saihara was out cold and unmoving; there was probably a breathing mask on his face.

He wasn't going to be allowed back in today. He knew that of course, but he still didn't want to leave. Ouma pressed his forehead against the cool glass. A normally happy thought entered his mind leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

Saihara's tenth birthday was coming too soon.

\---

It was a few days before Ouma was allowed to see his fragile friend again. He entered the room softly as if scaring the boy would set him off into another attack. "Can I come in? Are you feeling any better?" The black haired boy gave one of his famous sad smiles. The leader really hated looking at the face, he didn't want to see it ever again. It made him mad as a sharp pain hit his chest cavity.

Tears wanted to fall from his eyes and he wanted to leap towards the bed but knew it wasn't the brightest of ideas. He approached calmly and forced Saihara's head towards his chest and started sobbing like the child he is.

The patient didn't respond. He allowed the circus boy to attach himself to his body; clinging like a parasite. He was use to it after all. All his family members held him tightly and cried. Crying more often than anyone would admit too. For once he didn't mind having his head squished into someone's chest.

The leader cried himself to a state of exhaustion. Regardless he remained awake, body shaking from his sniveling. He had eventually released Saihara and sank down on the bed; his face buried into the older boy's belly. The fragile child ran his hand through the dark messy hair. The touch was at least enough to keep his mourning down so the people in the other rooms couldn't hear Ouma's tears any longer.  
This is why Saihara question him at the beginning. This is why Saihara didn't want to be friends. He didn't like being the cause of pain towards others. They both knew it. After reacting like that, he knew the small boy wouldn't be able to handle seeing him have another attack.

He didn't want to deteriorate in front of the people he loved. Olive eyes closed as he kept his own lamentation to himself. If he started crying it would unquestionably set Ouma off again. Despair was slowly settling inside his chest. 

\---

"I love you."

The boy looked up from his book- he was finally at the climactic end so he wasn't sure he heard correctly. Ouma repeated his words enunciating clearly. The younger boy wore a very stoic expression while his eyes hid nothing. The leader wasn't joking around, his eyes were firm and serious staring directly into his. Saihara was silent as his mind drew a blank.

Ouma waited very patiently for an actual reaction. And when it happened it was worth the wait.

A scarlet tinge graced his pale skin. The corners of his mouth turned upwards raising his cheeks. It was a brilliant smile. It didn't matter that it wasn't a verbal reaction. The words weren't spoken back but still the younger boy felt his heart flip. A nice feeling of warmth formed in his chest. A genuine smiled formed on the prankster's face. "I love that smile. Always show that face to others."

\---

Saihara had never seen his mother run into his room before. Especially not when something wasn't wrong with him. At least he didn't think anything was wrong with him at this current time. She halted at the bed holding onto the side rails hunched over and panting hard. "Mom?! What's wrong? Are you alright?"

His mother couldn't reply verbally but pulled him into a tight hug. He could hear her erratic heartbeat while still gasping for air. She refused to let go so he stayed in her uncomfortable embrace. Once her breathing was somewhat normal she spoke. Her words were quiet as if speaking them would be a jinx. "They found you a heart."

The child's mouth popped opened then shut. He wanted to respond. However, the words never came. His brain was processing information too quickly for his voice box to respond. So instead happy tears rushed out of his eyes.

With all this excitement Saihara didn't think he would be able to sleep tonight. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing either. Now, he allowed thoughts of the future into his mind.

\---

Saihara excitedly waited for Ouma to visit. He gripped at his chest. They have a heart for him. A smile formed. There was a possibility of living past the age of ten. Of course, there was a chance the surgery could fail. Major surgeries always held a risk that something else could go horrible wrong. Even so, for some reason he couldn't find himself caring about that.

It had been years since the black haired boy felt a sliver of hopefulness. In fact he wasn't even sure he had ever felt that way before. Apparently that hopefulness outweighed the fear of the operation. At least no one would have to give him a pep talk during the surgery prepping.

Ouma walked into the room humming a soft tune. "Ouma, I have good news!" The leader smile brightly at Saihara's gleeful beaming face.  
This was a good greeting. The smaller boy joined him on the bed.

"What is it? I've never seen such a beautiful smile on you."

"The doctors found a heart for me!" Ouma listen quietly a warm smile never leaving his face. "My surgery is a week from now."

"You're happy right?"

"Of course! I could actually have a future now."

"Then I'm also happy for you." The Dice member lifted his hand and extended his pinky finger. "Will you make some promises with me?"  
Saihara cocked his head. "Sure."

"I want you to visit the circus once you've recovered. Nothing beats a real performance from the adults."

"Alright."

Ouma beamed his toothless smile and softly pressed his lips to Saihara's. It was over as quickly as it started and the joker just acted like it didn't happen. "And most of all, I want Saihara to smile more! Now, you'll have more chances too."

The timid boy blushed lightly and nodded. "I promise. And now we'll be together from now on."

The clown frowned the expression on his face was thoughtful for a few seconds. The expression morphed back into a familiar grin so Saihara didn't think too much on it. "Yeah, we'll be together forever." Their pinkies interlocked with a smile. 

\---

Saihara turned ten today. His mother threw him a small party. She brought cake and specialty balloons. Each balloon had a different saying or color scheme. Shortly after his father and uncle arrived bring all the gifts they could carry. Ouma watched the happy family interact. It was nice to see. Also Saihara's mother was very nice to him.

Saihara wore a bright smile when his family arrived. They must have requested the day off from work. Ouma knew that didn't happen often based on his friend's body language. Upon seeing them he extended his arms wanting hugs before anything else. The Dice member smiled he didn't act any differently towards his circus family. Even Maki- as rare as her hugs were- they were nice to get. Then again her hugs would more often than not shifted into headlocks within seconds. Ouma snickered to himself.

For his birthday present the circus member debuted his ventriloquism. His puppet was nothing more than a creepy rubber horse head. Still, his jokes were funny and somehow made the cross eyed puppet a loveable prop.

When the show was over the brat played light jokes on the fragile boy. To tease the taller boy he hid and threw his voice. Saihara went on a search for him looking in empty boxes and around corners. Just from that the raven haired boy knew Ouma was a master of hide and seek. They would have to play it together one day. He liked the idea of using his brain and acute senses to track the boy down like a detective.

After a healthy lunch was served -a homemade lunch. A lunch that brought tears to Saihara's face since he lived on hospital food for a good part of the year. The birthday cake was cut into equally portions. Somehow, Ouma wore most of his piece on his face licking his lips with delight.

\---

"Are you ready?" The boys sat directly in front of each other. Ouma had his palm extended outward while Saihara rested his hands on top. The black haired boy nodded staring at Ouma's hands intently watching for movement. The smaller boy snickered and move quickly slapping at Saihara's knuckles.

He lost. Ouma laughed out loud. "You're not good at this."

The taller boy frowned, he was very much aware he sucked at most games. If the clown boy wanted to play them there was nothing he could do. At least he wasn't that annoying boastful type of a winner. "Let's try rock paper scissors." Regardless the older boy nodded expecting the same outcome.

"Rock paper scissors!" The boys chanted and threw down their signs. Saihara studied his two extended fingers with wide eyes then looked over at the same sign Ouma threw.

The boy in white laughed at his friend's extreme expression of disbelieve. "Tie!" He said cheerfully.

\---

The day before his surgery Saihara didn't catch a sight of the cheerful child. It was alright though. He knew Ouma would visit him after the operation. He really did have all the time now.

"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked a warm expression on his face. It was five in the morning, time to start this long operation.

"Anxious."

"Of course, that's to be expected." The doctor reached for a face mask and put it on. He washed his hands thoroughly in the sink. He reached to the gas mask and hooked it on the child's face. "We'll see you in a few hours." Olive green eyes drifted closed the as the doctor's assistant stepped out and into view holding a tray of sterilized utensils.

\---

Saihara awoke. He didn't fell like anything at the moment. The child was just relaxed as if he was floating on air. The gas still traveled through his system but he could tell he wasn't back in his normal room. Off to his side he could see his mother's form sleeping hunched over some important piece of machinery. A weak smile formed on his lips.

He survived the surgery. Step one was over.

Once his mother was awake when the doctor entered the room. He explained the rest of the procedures and follow-up appointments needed. He was to stay in ICU for forty eight hours then he was to be moved back to the room he was most familiar with. 

Saihara would be on medications for the rest of his life. The pill was a little shiny red sphere and something he would have to learn to swallow whole. Liquids medication weren't an option for him. The immunosuppressant is suppose to decrease the immune system to prevent it from attacking the new heart.

"You may expect some side effects but they should decrease over time. Since this effects your immune system I'll prescribe some antibacterial and antiviral medications." Saihara frowned and pretended to listen, all this medical knowledge went far over his head. He was only nine -no ten after all. His mother understood it; at least he hoped she did. 

The doctor went over the risk of developing conditions like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or osteoporosis. "Once the risk of rejection is reduce so will the doses of meds." The boy pulled his gown down to look at his chest. His chest was cut opened and stitched shut. The sutras would have to be cut out once the skin healed together.

The dark haired boy will be going through follow up appointments twice for the first week.

Once a week for the second month.

Once every other week for the third month.

Than every three months after the first year.

With a grimace he took his first round of pills. His mother kissed his head encouragingly. With a huff he rested his head back on the pillow feeling a small strain. "Get some more rest, I'll see you later." The child nodded his eyes fluttering shut.

\---

The day Saihara was released from the hospital was a very happy day. One he didn't think he would ever experience. Both his parents showed up and even his uncle was waiting for him holding a gift for him. The timid boy got in the car and strapped in. He gazed out the window frowning at the fact Ouma wasn't here to see him leave the hospital. He wished the leader was there to welcome him home. Even if Ouma couldn't actually come home with him.

Saihara tried asking his mother to see if she could adopt the rowdy boy. He used everything in his arsenal -sad faces to downright begging- trying to be persuasive. His mother only said that leaving the circus would upset him. And no matter what, he couldn't deny that would be true. Ouma loved the circus after all.

The drive home was filled with the excited voices of the adults. The gentle vibrations of the car relaxed his mind. He knew that once he was home he'd be on bed rest anyway. So he enjoyed the ride watching the scenery pass.

His bed was soft and much more comfortable then the cot in the hospital. The neutral color on his walls were just easier on his eyes. It was a familiar sensation and a relaxing smell compared the disinfecting air of the hospital. It felt good to be home.

Besides form the bathroom he still didn't move much. His food was brought to him. His parents took time off from work to watch over him. It was nice to be waited on by them and not by a nurse. His first follow up appointment was coming and he was actually looking forward to it. Hopefully Ouma would be there with the rest of Dice performing for the children.

Saihara breathed deeply and nuzzled into his mother's arms. He fell asleep with a calm dream in his mind.

\---

While they checked into the hospital lobby Saihara walked around looking for any of the Dice members. His search came up empty. With a frown he walked back to his mother.

Appointment after appointment it was the same result. He never saw the smaller boy. They should've exchanged some kind of contact. His chest hurt- more specifically his heart. He griped at his plain shirt as if it would dull the pain.

He couldn't think of any reason the leader wouldn't show up. After all the energetic boy showed up at the hospital daily. So Saihara was beginning to doubt Ouma's friendship. But he would know right away if the smaller boy was upset with him. The Dice member was vocal with all of his emotions. If Saihara said something to upset him the circus boy always said something with a pout. 

He jerked forward when a small child bumped into him. She apologized and beamed brightly making Saihara return the smile. He noticed a familiar item in her hand. "Where did you get that balloon animal?"

"A girl outside is making them." Feeling hopeful he gave his thanks and rushed out the door. The prankster was nowhere to been seen. He walked the perimeter of the building then his eyes landed on a solitary figure.

Maki sat on the grass folding a balloon. The timid boy approached her. The girl paused in her work to look up immediately frowning at him. "It's you." She stated before turning back to her balloon. Saihara winced a bit. What reason would she have to make that face at him? But then again she always had frowned at him before; so that was pretty normal for her.

"Where's Ouma?" The balloon in her hand came undone snapping back to the original shape.

"Not here." The boy studied her face. The older girl wore a faint pained and thoughtful expression that he couldn't understand. She looked very tired as well like she would break under stress. It was a face identical to that of his mother's when he was stuck in the emergency room.

He frowned at her lack of answer. "Does he still love me?"

She tied the ends of the balloon together. "I'd say he loves you." She then bent the balloon at the middle. "Where do you think that heart came from?" She shoved the perfectly formed heart shape balloon into his chest and left him alone.

He gripped the balloon tightly.

Saihara wished he had smiled more.


End file.
